To the woman He said, I will greatly increase your suffering and your childbearing; in pain shall you bear children. Yet your craving shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you."
My standard response to this has become, "Is this a consequence or a goal?"
Is this something the believing couple should strive to institute in their marriage? Or is it the reality of living in a fallen sinful world?
If this is a command and a goal for believers to aim towards in their marriages, then it should look like the Hebrew word which is translated as "rule."
The word for rule is the Hebrew word "mâshal," which means:
1) to rule, have dominion, reign
1a) (Qal) to rule, have dominion
1b) (Hiphil)
1b1) to cause to rule
1b2) to exercise dominion
This is not the benevolent, loving leadership of a godly man that is often held up as the ideal.
This is not "most of the time we work together to make decisions, but if we can't come to an agreement, the husband decides."
This is not initiating Bible studies and taking a leading role in managing the finances.
This is not what Yeshua was describing when he said, "Do unto others as you would have them to do you," or "The first shall be last and the last shall be first," or when Paul said specifically of husbands that they should "love their wives as their own bodies."
This is rule, dominion, reigning like a king.
This clearly isn't a word to describe how a believing husband is to treat his wife, but it IS a word that describes how unbelieving men have treated women in almost every culture all throughout history.
This clearly isn't a word to describe how a believing husband is to treat his wife, but it IS a word that describes how unbelieving men have treated women in almost every culture all throughout history.
Men ruling over women has been the norm. This is what pagan men do. This is what men in their worst moments of pride, greed, and lust do. Certainly not men with the Ruach guiding their actions.
Genesis 3:16 is descriptive, not prescriptive. Which means that God was describing the reality of Adam and Eve's new life in a fallen sinful world, not prescribing a command of how things should be.
We can compare this consequence to the other consequences and see the same holds true for these as well.
The consequence for the man is that he would have to toil the earth for his food.
Thorns and thistles it shall sprout for you, and you shall eat the herb of the field. by the seat of your brow shall you eat bread until you return to the ground from which you were taken: For you are dust, and to dust shall you return.
Is this a goal? A command?
Should a man try to toil as hard as he possibly can? Is he sinning if he lightens his load by inventing shovels, plows, and tractors? Is he trying to skirt the will of God by working in an air conditioned building.
Quite the opposite. God often blessed the work of the righteous with an increase in their flocks and herds, and the money to hire servants resulting in less actual physical labor for themselves.
When Adam and Eve sinned, they broke echad. They broke the oneness and unity that they had between themselves and God, between each other, and even broke something in their relationship to the earth.
The reality of living in a fallen, sinful world is that we will experience pain, we will have to work for our food, and the relationship of echad that a husband and a wife are supposed to have will often be broken.
But our goal for our marriages should be for the man to "cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."
When a man and woman both seek righteousness by looking to him to lead them, God can bless their marriage with unity, healing some of the brokenness in the fallen world.
